Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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