Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Found your dick twin last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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