I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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