Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
