Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize