Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
