i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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