There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
