I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
