Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm way too hungover for life right now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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