don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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