I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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