If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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