I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
