Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
