I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
honey bunches of taint.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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