I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize