im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize