I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
