been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
