it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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