well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
