it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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