do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
