her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
