guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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