it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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