I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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