Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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