She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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