Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
