I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
