how hairy? two words: wookie tits
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
