the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
