I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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