it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
