i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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