i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
id be glad to
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
