He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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