I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
