Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
