Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
