she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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