I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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