So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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