There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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