he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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