When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
