apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
