made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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