you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
