we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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