we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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