@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
