Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
