I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
