I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
