so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
