No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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