Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
