i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
