ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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