I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
