I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
