last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
