You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
