maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
