Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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