Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
