If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
