wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
