he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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