I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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