I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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