last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
