i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize