your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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